WRITTEN ON: ??? - 1/1/26 Analysis and Choice Paralysis: Addendum First of all; Happy New Year, and I hope whoever reads this had a good Christmas. So, after thinking it over, I've decided that I'm deleting my Twitter/X account this year. I'd like to elaborate. I felt like I needed to justify my existence on Twitter/X. It was a poor mindset, and I still fall into the habit of doing it to this day. So, based on a feeling of not being enough, I said I was gonna make a game engine. If I had a big plan and a big project then I had a purpose for being on there, or existing in general. I had no clue what I was doing, and I DID plan to do it, but my goal was too massive and unrealistic within the time limit I gave myself. I burnt myself out and made no progress within the year due to the pressure. I later realized that I didn't want to make a whole game engine, I just wanted to make a game. I never really thought about how most game engines have entire dev teams behind them, all with experience. I still have not written a single piece of code, my work has all just been architecture study and notes. I shouldn't be trying to make big actions and stuff at all times. I need to be less intense. I don't want you to think that I'm a super, hyper, omega-level programmer. I'm still a complete newbie and I still have not built anything yet. I just really suck at communication, so stuff got fucked in translation when talking about my work in any way, shape, or form. 2025 was probably my second worst year, mentally. Even then, I'm still alive, so that's good. I hope that this year is better, and I'll try to be more clear from now on. This brings me to my next point. >Deleting my Twitter I hate being on the damn website, I don't wanna feel like I'm in a rat race to pump out stuff. I genuinely understand its purpose and use-cases, but it's not for me. It rewards ragebait, having a checkmark, arguments, drama, and constant engagement. It's not a good 'Art' platform. I partially made my account because everyone else also had one. I didn't really stop to think if I needed it. I don't. It did show me funny posts, yeah, but it wasn't worth having just for that. Twitter/X took my attention, my time, and it's just not viable as an option. I want to do a bunch of things in the future, but I can't do that if I'm rotting my brain with a "for you" page that never ends, tries to make me angry, sad, or anything else to keep me distracted. Twitter drama is plentiful, and I do not wish to know about the newest gossip or thing a person I've never met said or did. Twitter/X is not social media. I've interacted more with the algorithm than I have with actual people on there. Also, my goal was not to be social, it was to catalog my art. It was easy to do, but also sucks to manage. Twitter promotes that you share interesting about yourself. I'm not that interesting of a person. I have nothing I can prove, nor do I have anything to prove. I only have what I've made. I have no clue if Twitter/X made me feel like I needed to justify my existence even more, but if it did, I still want to say that it's still entirely my own fault for glazing my projects. I take full accountability for my actions. Now, enough apologizing and shitting on social media. What now? Well, Devlog has turned into something more like a Log, so I'm probably just gonna keep it named like that. I need to make a backup for my art and create a catalog for it. Until then, my twitter will stay up. After? I dunno. I might delete it. I might use Newgrounds, at least until I make a section on my website for art. Newgrounds also lacks an upload limit, I think, so in the long term, It'll be nice to have as another way to view my artwork. I wanna make stuff this year, stuff like music for my game, art in general, 3D Models, at least a single prototype, I also kinda wanna make a story. I also wanna make videos showing off stuff I thought looked cool, hmofa games, obscure games, etc. The Steam Machine is gonna be a Godsend for the Half-Life Krystal Mod when I get around to making a stream or video on it. I'm rambling again, so, I think that's a good place to stop. (You) take care now. -Gum ----------------------------------------------------------------------- WRITTEN ON: 10/27/25 - 11/23/25 Analysis and Choice Paralysis TLDR: >I've been thinking about redesigning the website at some point. (used chatGPT to do backend and save time, kind of regret it. I still don't understand the programming language.) >PolyGum, and by proxy, my game, has been on hiatus. I made the stream/video for it because I needed to think of ideas about what I could stream at the time, but it was way too early to show. >PolyGum stream was partly made because I was worried that my idea would get stolen/I wanted to prove its existence just in case. (I know it sounds a bit paranoid and retarded) >Had too many ideas, but didn't want to sacrifice a good idea because I'm thinking about working on another good idea. (it ended with me doing nothing because I was juggling project outlines like a weirdo. >I enjoy making stuff for people, but I'm not used to being watched by them. >I will try to keep making videos/streams. >I've been thinking about shadow dropping stuff instead of making things on stream, but I'm not sure which method I prefer. >I need to make sure I don't stretch myself too thin. Hello, it's been a while. I've been thinking, in fact, I think that's the main reason I've been indecisive. You may have noticed that I have not really been updating or maintaining the website, and that's because I'm 'too busy' procrastinating. I have a bunch of stuff in my head all at once and I kind of need to blow my sloppy mental load all over this text document. Hopefully, you'll see why I've been silent on stuff I've talked about before, why I seem like I'm being held at gunpoint on stream, and why it sounds like I'm breathing like a weirdo into the mic. I usually dislike showing my mental and physical issues, but I feel like it's warranted this time. I'm serious when I say; I don't wanna make a text wall of my disorders and flaunt them like badges, they're just really debilitating when I'm trying to do stuff in general, and I need to elaborate to give an explanation on why work has been slow on the Game Dev stuff. GAD, OCD, and RA don't go well together when trying to stream, learn, or draw, and sadly, I have them. It's like I got massive debuffs with amazing synergy. GAD keeps me thinking about things that could go wrong but have not, OCD floods my mind with perfectionism 'tism, and it's not the good one that keeps me on track, it's the one that makes you redo something over and over only to realize that the 2nd attempt was actually good or at least decent. It makes me feel like I wasted my time. All of this causes my RA to act up and makes parts of my body ache. It's been a constant spiral of working, mentally punishing myself because I'm not getting results fast enough, and then overworking myself to make up for it, thus leading me to burn out. It makes me start procrastinating because I'm anxious about the of the amount of stuff I wanna get done, but ends with me doing nothing, because if I fail, I'll feel like I wasted time. I wanna suffer for my work, not die. If I'm dead, then I can't suffer for you. I just keep forgetting that rest is important, and that I don't need to do everything in one day. But, stuff added up, I kept making unrealistic mental deadlines to goals, and then beat myself up mentally when I did not meet those goals. I've seen enough people do this to know how it ends. I don't want to hate my work, I wanna enjoy it. I don't know if I'll stream the creation of my game, I don't enjoy getting peoples' hopes up for something unless I'm 100% certain I can do it. Note that I said 'can do it'. I can't currently do it because I need to clarify and make sure you know what I'm making, know that I'm making a game, and know that I'm dialing back the scope of the engine. I glazed my game engine because I was excited with my concept and I had massive plans for it, it was ultimately stupid to do so because I was stacking even more ideas goals without making anything concrete yet. I wanted to make a game engine for everyone, but I also wanted to make a game. I can't do both. So, I'm gonna scrap the ideas that have nothing to do with the game, so I can make a game. But, is PolyGum dead? No, if anything, this keeps it more streamlined and cohesive as an engine. PolyGum, as an engine was always intended to be made for my games, but my unrealistic, original concept was to make it for everyone, somehow. I felt like I needed to make an entire engine that would allow people that didn't know how to make games, to make their own games. I only wanted to do it to help people like myself, but I didn't stop think about the fact that I also didn't know how to program a game. In hindsight, it makes me look like a blind man trying to read subtitles on a screen for other blind men. I was way out of my depth. When I get around to making stuff though, I will try to make notes for myself that I can then relay onto you. PolyGum's giant scale of a concept might be scrapped, but I want to keep the idea of it alive. I can't make anyone else's game, but I can tell you how I made mine, once I actually make it. For now, I'm taking a break. I need to free up mental space. Below is the stuff that kept me thinking, and what made me unsure of what I should even do. Analysis Paralysis. >The Website, just ideas about trying to make it a resource for writing in general. >Behind the scenes stuff on ideas for a game series (I was unironically thinking of making the game a game series before I made the actual game because I have a lot I want to make) >Stories I wanted to make and put on AO3 >Streams, VOD Editing, and Thumbnail Art >Game Engine Architecture >Learning about code, writing notes, and still trying to comprehend it >Stuff I wanna stream >Personal life This stuff was taking up all my headspace, if I wasn't working or thinking about working, I would beat myself up over it. I don't want to have that mindset while I'm making something, cuz, if I'm not relaxed or rational while creating, the product is gonna suffer. I think I was just scared about fucking up and having it be seen by people, and, to be honest, I still am. But I want to be transparent about this stuff. Whether it's because I feel like I owe one, or because it looks like no progress has been made on anything I said I was gonna make, I'm just happy to finally give an explanation as to why it's been radio silent on my side. I'm kind of doing a mental reset right now. I'm letting other stuff fall into the background so I can make/focus on something. Right now, that something seems to be streaming. I am still working on stuff in the background, but this time, I'll try not to make goals and deadlines that seem irrational. I'm glad that I can fail now, and I'm also glad I didn't have account set up to take donations. I probably would have felt worse if someone paid me because they wanted me to make the original concept for the game engine. But, since I clarified everything, I can now sleep with a good conscience. It really felt like I was lying, and I don't like that feeling. If you had high expectations to begin with since that stream where I first talked about PolyGum, sincerely, I'm sorry. I wanted to stream something for a Draw-athon intermission, the idea was fresh in my mind, and I wanted to make mascots for it. My bad. Either way, if you've read through all this, thank you. I mean it, thank you. It feels like a weight was lifted off my chest, and I know this might be a bit much for someone who's not at all that big on the internet, but I really needed to confess my virtual sins, my 'crimes against cyberspace', if you will. My main reason for doing all this is because I wanted to give thanks to the stuff that made me happy, I just wanted it to be perfect, to show that I'm grateful. I obviously don't want my gifts to be shitty. That's why I've been making stuff, scrapping stuff, and overthinking. In conclusion: I need to be easier on myself, have periods of fun, and take breaks, and quit treating this stuff like a 9-to-5. I guess I can also talk about other stuff too. Kirby Air Riders is really good. Gobble Fantasy 2003 looks fun. I saw the Steam Machine and I wonder if it'd be good for streaming, I mean, I still kind of wanna do that Half-Life Krystal Mod. I've never played Half-Life, and I don't know much beyond the memes, so an experience like that would forever cement Krystal as Alyx in my head. Bunker Game is something I wanna stream too. Anyway, enough rambling, I wish you all the best. -Gum